what it is.....

the absence of, noticed but unrecognized in the misty days, only highlighted by the warm windows of neighbors, hard to keep up, hard to fall behind, there is a constant drive of need that overrides the senses of selves that once resided here, identity is a hard drug to kick, created out of nothing, nurtured into being, given the reins, becomes, so ingrained as to appear as background noise, easy to sleep to, all an idea, it all sounds so familiar.  comfort is destructive.........................

fore and aft........

the sultry swaying of night air, soft focus lights with halos bending in the south wind of a coming winter, absentminded absent with one foot in front of another in front of another, the illusion of gaining ground or once in awhile the ground moving underneath, the process speaks volumes to the product at hand, a vain attempt at imparting wisdom or at the very least encouragement, pacification will have to do for the time being, a silencing of thoughts in order to develop dreams in order to start over, the past should be left in the story, but as the mercury falls and footsteps gently sog, the allure of "what did we do?" becomes enticing, this story is yet to be written....................

little too late.......

to georgie:  it has been almost twenty years, and although you would disagree, and it would make these words irrelevant, i am not sure there is a heaven or hell, but i do know that lately  when fear erupts, i think of you.  thank you for creating that safe place that i can revisit........

ever and ever...........

the self crawls up to the bar, attempting to assert itself in the dance, addictive as ever, beautifully destructive, building expectations to be given weight where there is no substance, given the value of the known, this is where roots are planted and find a home..................

on and on.............

at no time in recent memory have i felt so vulnerable, if left to my own i can be overcome by fear very quickly, high stakes, lasting impressions, snap decisions become a way of life and coping mechanism, for better or worse my intuition drives and friends sometimes grab the wheel and help steer clear of the wall..............

downward inward............

there is a magic in the connection, the mix of spiraling hormones and tired eyes makes for highs and lows never felt, a soaring escapade into the roots of ourselves where the ticks and tocks reside, the nurture of nature never came so close to becoming clear...............

the what of...........

what happened?  i walked to the door to give out some candy and came back four days later with this...........